When
is adoption an option?
Adoption gives the legal
responsibility to an individual or couple to care
for and raise a child who is not born into their
family. You may consider adoption when:
- Attempts at pregnancy have
failed.
- You have physical problems or
inherited conditions that prevent a successful
pregnancy.
- You want to offer a home and
love to children who have no one to love or care
for them.
You may not be able to adopt a
newborn. There are many children from other
countries, older children, and special needs
children with mental, physical, or medical problems
who are available for adoption. You need to decide
if you are willing and able to raise a child who is:
- an older child
- disabled
- from a different country
- of a different or mixed race.
You may adopt children through a
private or public agency, or through an attorney.
Public adoption services are usually free. Private
services charge fees that can be very expensive.
Choose a licensed agency with a good reputation. Ask
about their fees and ask for references. The agency
will do a careful evaluation that includes
interviews and medical exams. They need to find out
if you have a stable family life, regular income,
and good health. You will need to provide
information about finances, health, marriage, and
employment.
A closed adoption allows the birth
mother and adoptive parents to remain unknown to
each other. In an open adoption, the birth mother is
allowed to know and approve of the adopting parents.
She may even wish to share in the raising of the
child. Open adoption is becoming much more popular.
Adoption laws may vary from state to state. You need
to know which types of placements are allowed by
your state's laws.
What
can I expect after the adoption?
Children may be upset by the move to
their new home and family. At first, children will
probably be excited, overwhelmed, sad, and happy all
at the same time. They may behave badly or be overly
quiet. They may throw tantrums or behave like they
are several years younger than their actual age.
Children may grieve for the life
they left. Feelings of loss may involve birth
parents, friends, foods, language, or culture.
Nothing feels familiar to them. Adopted children may
feel unsure about how long you will really want to
keep them, especially if they have spent time in
foster care.
How
can I help my adopted child?
- Let your child help choose
colors or furniture for his or her room.
- Spend lots of time together
giving hugs or tickles, brushing his or her
hair, or reading books, even if your child does
not respond at first.
- Supervise your child's contact
with other children. Don't assume your child
knows how to play well with other children,
especially if he or she was raised in another
culture.
- When asked, give what
information you have about the birth family with
sensitivity and support.
- Give your child plenty of
chances to talk about his or her life before
living with you. Help your child make
connections between his or her past and present
by keeping a scrapbook, writing in a journal, or
keeping in touch with friends.
How
can I help myself?
- Learn about adoption. Join a
support group for adoptive parents.
- As soon as the child is in
your home, schedule checkups to have him or her
evaluated both physically and emotionally. Be
sure any history of abuse and any physical scars
are documented.
- Recognize that your child may
have fears and insecurities that birth children
do not. Good communication can help you
understand and support your child.
- Accept your child for who she
or he is. It may take some time before your
child is able to return love, or show it in the
way you might expect.
- If you have other children, be
sure their needs are met.
If you are thinking about adoption,
there are many community, church, and health care
resources that can direct you to the proper adoption
placement agency. For more information, contact the
National Adoption Information Clearinghouse at
888-251-0075 or visit their Web site at
http://www.childwelfare.gov.
