A single parent is a parent who raises a
child without another parent in the same household. Single
parenthood may be a result of loss, such as divorce or the
death of a spouse, or by choice, such as adoption or
artificial insemination.
Being a single parent is not easy. The
following suggestions may help your family:
- Find stable
places for child care and home. Check out child
care options carefully before you choose one. Try to
avoid changing caregivers and making too many other
major changes too close together.
- Create a daily
routine and try to stick to it 7 days a week.
It helps to wake up and go to bed at about the same time
every day and to eat meals together on a regular
schedule. It also helps to pick your child up from child
care at an expected time.
- Plan regular
visits with the other parent if possible.
Staying in contact with the other parent, both by phone
and by visiting in person, is usually in your child's
best interest. Your child will do better if he knows
that both parents love him.
- Discipline
consistently. Set limits for acceptable and
unacceptable behavior. Notice good behavior and praise
your child. Use methods such as time outs or job
grounding when children misbehave. Do not bribe your
child or try to buy the child's affection.
- Don't put your
child in the middle. If you are raising your
child in 2 different homes, don't ask your child to
carry messages between parents. Don't ask the child to
give you information about the other parent, or to
choose sides in adult battles.
- Answer
questions about the other parent briefly.
Answer only the questions that are asked. If you have
negative feelings about the other parent, talk them over
with another adult, not your child.
- Spend time
with your child each day. Try to spend some
quality time with each child daily. Spending hours with
your children watching TV is not quality time. Take the
time to sit down with each of them and talk about the
day or their problems. This can be calming and
reassuring for both parent and child.
- Make and keep
family traditions.
- Set up a good
support system. This is important for both the
parent and child. It may include extended family, a
consistent play group, neighbors, friends, or parenting
groups. Organizations such as Big Brothers or Big
Sisters can help provide another adult in your child's
life. Raising children is difficult, and you need a good
backup when you are frustrated or exhausted.
- Volunteer to
participate in activities at your child's school.
This helps you to meet other parents and have something
to talk about with your child. Also talk with your
child's teachers or school counselors about your
situation. They can help watch for problems and support
your child.
- Develop a
social life separate from your child. This
could include an exercise group, book club, or church
group. These are also good sources for support.
- Consider your
situation when dating. Dating can present
different challenges, depending on the age of your
child. At first, it may be easier on your child for you
to meet your date away from home. Young children tend to
attach easily to adults who spend time with them. Older
children can feel jealous or threatened by someone with
whom they must share their parent's time and space.
- Seek
professional help if serious problems develop.
Feelings of grief or loss are common after divorce or
death of one parent. Individual or family counseling can
provide support for both the children and adults.
- Explain your
money problems. If the status of the family
changes from a two-parent home to a single-parent home,
finances are often affected. You may have to explain to
your children that buying "extras" and some activities
have to be limited. However, treat your child like a
child. Your child should not be concerned with adult
problems. Your child is not your best support for
personal problems. It might be a good idea to talk to a
financial planner or accountant for help.
Where can I
get help?
Organizations and books are good resources.
Organizations
Parents Without Partners International, Inc.
1650 South Dixie Hwy., Suite 510
Boca Raton, FL 33432
(561) 391-8833
SingleMOTHER
P.O. Box 68
Midland, NC 28107
http://www.singlemothers.org
(704) 888-5437
Single and Custodial Father's Network, Inc.
http://scfn.org
